


@everyone

by coochiesandcreme



Category: Overwatch (Video Game)
Genre: Chatting & Messaging, F/F, M/M, god i hope i can actually write all these people to some level of competency
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-05-09
Updated: 2018-08-18
Packaged: 2019-05-04 08:46:38
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 6,917
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14589336
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/coochiesandcreme/pseuds/coochiesandcreme
Summary: Chatfic? For Overwatch? Groundbreaking.Hope it's enjoyable! Just a person writing other people.





	1. 300 mph in the back of a uhaul

**Author's Note:**

> let us clasp our hands in prayer that this is actually enjoyable to read

**[ Overwatch General Communications Server is now active. ]**

 

**[ Overwatch General Communications Server security is now active. ]**

 

**[ All agents registered since date of Event: Recall have been added to Overwatch General Communications Server. ]**

 

**[ Athena has been made a moderator. ]**

**[ Winston has been made a moderator. ]**

 

 _Winston_ : @everyone I’m not going to pretend this is anything other than it is. It’s a chat server. The recall and subsequent recruiting have seen our organisation grow to the point that several of us are scattered across the globe. As such, I thought a group setting to chat and stay connected would be nice. Please try to refrain from speaking on confidential subjects, as this is connection, while secured, is not airtight.

 

 _Winston_ : I fully expect you all to fuck this up within a week.

 

 _Winston_ : I’m tapping several of you for moderator status to maintain some thin veneer of control.

 

**[ Agents Angela Ziegler, Genji Shimada, Jesse J. McCree, Torbjörn Lindholm, Reinhardt Wilhelm have been made moderators.]**

 

 _Lena Oxton_ : :((((

 

 _Lena Oxton_ : that’s mean winston

 

 _Genji Shimada_ : completely warranted tho

 

 _Lena Oxton_ : also why aren’t i a mod??? recount! recount!

 

 _Lena Oxton_ : and my name’s ugly too hold juuuuust a mo

 

**[ Lena Oxton has changed to "Tracer." ]**

 

 _Tracer_ : oh phew much better

 

**[ Genji Shimada has changed to "Genji." ]**

 

 _Genji_ : << is with you

 

 _Tracer_ : lolz nice one bruv

 

 _Tracer_ : wait i just realised Winston said fuck that’s so weird

 

**[ Angela Ziegler has become active. ]**

**[ Jesse J. McCree has become active. ]**

 

 _Jesse J. McCree_ : now what in the mcfuck is this chat

 

 _Tracer_ : now what in the mcfuck is that NAME lolol

 

 _Jesse J. McCree_ : its the name the lord and my dear sweet mama bestowed upon me, so i’ll thank you not to come for it

 

 _Genji_ : it really is quite ah whats the word

 

 _Genji_ : kitschy? when you see the full thing typed out

 

 _Tracer_ : yeah like its a lil too on the nose? over the top?

 

**[ Angela Ziegler has changed to "Mercy." ]**

 

 _Mercy_ : A, “hoot,” I believe is the word we’re all searching for.

 

 _Tracer_ : HA zinggggggg

 

 _Genji_ : wwwwww

 

**[Jesse J. McCree has changed to "McCree." ]**

 

 _McCree_ : man fuck all y’all i’m quittin

 

 _McCree_ : my names great it ties together my whole look

 

 _Genji_ : i sincerely doubt that’s your actual name

 

 _McCree_ : well i sure as hell ain’t gonna tell none of you otherwise if im gonna be the subject of vicious mockery

 

**[ Reinhardt Wilhelm has become active. ]**

**[ Reinhardt Wilhelm has changed to "Reinhardt." ]**

 

 _Reinhardt_ : HA

 

 _Reinhardt_ : VICIOUS MOCKERY HE SAYS

 

 _Reinhardt_ : THIS IS A TAME ROAST. ON THE LEVEL OF A MICROWAVE!!!

 

 _Genji_ : wow it’s like he’s right in the room with me

 

 _Tracer_ : ikr

 

**[ Fareeha Amari has become active. ]**

**[ Fareeha Amari has changed to "Pharah." ]**

 

 _Pharah_ : @ _Winston_ This will only end in disaster.

 

 _Tracer_ : hey!

 

 _Genji_ : we’re going to hell in a uhaul going 300 mph and i for one welcome it

 

 _Pharah_ : Is that supposed to inspire confidence?

 

 _Reinhardt_ : GOOD MEME!!!

 

 _McCree_ : that’s been our lives since b-dub scraped us off the street, not much reason to change course now

 

 _Tracer_ : hey!!! lets be positive about this you guys! :(((

 

 _Mercy_ : I agree with Lena, actually. There’s no reason why we can’t use this for its intended, casual function.

 

**[ Hana Song has become active. ]**

**[ Hana Song has changed to "D.Va." ]**

 

 _D.Va_ : so not to be that guy but can you uglies stop blowing up my comm i’m streaming

 

 _Reinhardt_ : Failed step one!

 

 _Tracer_ : >:///

 

 _D.Va_ : lol im kidding the timing was just too perfect

 

 _D.Va_ : a chatroom seems fun tho! im for it or whatever, let me yell at luc to get in here

 

 _D.Va_ : kk he’s comin

 

**[Lúcio Correia dos Santos has become active.]**

**[Lúcio Correia dos Santos has changed to Lúcio.]**

 

 _Lúcio_ : hey hey heyyyy everybody

 

 _Tracer_ : hey lucio!

 

 _McCree_ : howdy

 

 _Reinhardt_ : Hello!!!!

 

 _Mercy_ : Good afternoon, Lúcio!

 

 _D.Va_ : who are you

 

 _Lúcio_ : idfk where am i who are you people

 

 _Tracer_ : lol

 

 _D.Va_ : its a party now you got the fresh and hip squad in here

 

 _Genji_ : the fresh and hip squad was already here

 

 _D.Va_ : uh

 

 _D.Va_ : thats an opinion you can have i guess

 

 _Reinhardt_ : Wig.

 

 _McCree_ : hey genj and lena are the hippest and freshest people i know

 

 _Tracer_ : :PPPPP

 

 _Genji_ : i almost want to say that’s sad but then i’d be insulting myself

 

 _Genji_ : so i’ll take it

 

 _D.Va_ : wow i could hear you saying that in my head and maybe im just imagining it to sound super lame

 

 _D.Va_ : but it sounded super lame

 

 _Reinhardt_ : Now _that_ was a roast, Jesse.

 

 _Lucio_ : lolol aw cmon hana mccree’s plenty cool!

 

 _McCree_ : thank you! finally some respect around here

 

 _D.Va_ : is he tho

 

 _McCree_ : now listen here

 

 _D.Va_ : wow crazy i suddenly can’t read

 

 _Reinhardt_ : ANOTHER GOOD MEME!!!!

 

 _Tracer_ : lmfaoooo its a classic

 

 _McCree_ : i hate y’all

 

 _D.Va_ : sorry gotta go back to my stream byeeeeeeeeeeee

 

**[D.Va has become inactive.]**

 

 _Lúcio_ : haha hey no worries mean she don’t mean it

 

 _McCree_ : yeah yeah i get it im old now i aint cool and with it anymore

 

 _Genji_ : jesse i really hate to tell you this but outside of being a black ops agent you were never really with it

 

 _Genji_ : i mean the belt buckle alone

 

Mercy: I was so sure that was ironic for the longest time.

 

Pharah: I was what, twelve? And still knew it was pretty tacky.

 

Tracer: the tackiest and that’s why i loved it!

 

**[Torbjörn Lindholm has become active.]**

**[Torbjörn Lindholm has changed to Torbjörn.]**

 

 _Torbjörn_ : it was a choice

 

**[Torbjörn has become inactive.]**

 

 _Reinhardt_ : Savage.

 

 _Tracer_ : absolute unit

 

 _Mercy_ : And the spurs.

 

 _Tracer_ : that go jingle jingle jangle?

 

 _Mercy_ : The very ones!

 

 _McCree_ : you cant have real leather cowboy boots without spurs

 

 _McCree_ : it aint right its like against god or somethin

 

 _Pharah_ : At least start washing your cape.

 

 _McCree_ : FAREEHA AMARI IT IS A SERAPE AND YOU  K N O W THAT

 

 _Pharah_ : IT IS FUNCTIONALLY A CAPE!!!

 

 _McCree_ : TAKE IT BACK

 

 _Pharah_ : I’LL TAKE IT BACK WHEN IT STOPS SMELLING LIKE YOUR CHEAP CIGARS AND B.O.

 

 _McCree_ : THATS WHAT MAKES IT AUTHENTIC

 

 _McCree_ : ITS PART OF THE AESTHETIC!!!!!

 

 _Reinhardt_ : SHOUTING!!!!!

 

 _Tracer_ : whometh in this thread smokes weed is what I wanna kno

 

 _McCree_ : i dont gotta stay here and listen to y’all impugn my fashion im outta here

 

 _McCree_ : buzz me when y’all are able to appreciate a well crafted persona

 

**[McCree has become inactive.]**

 

 _Mercy_ : … Did he just use the word, “impugn?”

 

 _Genji_ : its really like before

 

 _Tracer_ : yeah that was actually kinda fun!

 

 _Pharah_ : It _did_ take me back.

 

 _Lúcio_ : did y’all used to dunk on mr mccree that often back before?

 

 _Tracer_ : LOL MR. MCCREE

 

 _Genji_ : he’d hate that

 

 _Genji_ : promise me you’ll never not call him that

 

 _Lúcio_ : lol i’ll try

 

 _Genji_ : and yes “dunking” on mccree was somewhat of a habit

 

 _Mercy_ : He’s a cherished friend and frankly one of our best agents.

 

 _Tracer_ : but there’s just something, yanno? that screams ‘“target”

 

 _Lúcio_ : lol i can dig it

 

 _Pharah_ : It’s the hat, in my opinion. And the accent.

 

 _Pharah_ : We do try to keep it light, though.

 

 _Tracer_ : yeah its mostly just the cowboy thing!! nothing too serious

 

 _Genji_ : speaking of that

 

 _Genji_ : being serious not the cowboy thing

 

 _Genji_ : i suppose i should mention i’ve spoken to my brother

 

 _Tracer_ : way to jerk that wheel genj, jeez

 

 _Mercy_ : Your brother?

 

 _Mercy_ : I assume you’re about to tell me about a long lost third brother and not the one who brutalised you?

 

 _Genji_ : in the interests of being fair

 

 _Genji_ : you _did_ turn me into a weapon

 

 _Genji_ : just putting that out there

 

 _Genji_ : not to be contrary, just reminding you i wasn’t really in a state to discuss that as being something i wanted

 

 _Mercy_ : … Fair enough.

 

 _Tracer_ : wow this segue was shaky to begin with now its just crashin off the rails

 

 _Lúcio_ : ikr

 

 _Genji_ : having a wifi hotspot built in is a major plus tho i won’t lie

 

 _Lúcio_ : yo for real? thats sick, hmu with the password

 

 _Genji_ : i’ll pm it to you

 

 _Reinhardt_ : It’s Free Wi-Fi,

 

 _Tracer_ : oh god

 

 _Pharah_ : Not this again.

 

 _Genji_ : ANYWAYS

 

 _Reinhardt_ : Apologies, my friend! Please, continue.

 

 _Genji_ : thank you

 

 _Genji_ : good meme though

 

 _Genji_ : anyways yes basically i ah

 

 _Genji_ : discussed? let’s go with discussed

 

 _Genji_ : our history with my brother and i told him that he should stop living in the shadow of his guilt and our clan

 

 _Lúcio_ : yeesh

 

 _Tracer_ : yeah like

 

 _Tracer_ : heavy :(((

 

 _Genji_ : it needed to be said. i don’t want to be the reason he punishes himself

 

 _Genji_ : especially since i no longer wish it upon him. i was angry for a long time, but seeing him again after all this time

 

 _Genji_ : he visited our shrine every year

 

 _Genji_ : i don’t know

 

 _Genji_ : i think we have a chance to get something of ourselves back

 

 _Genji_ : so uh @ _Winston_ if he shows up one day please don’t have athena blast him off the face of the watchpoint lol

 

 _Winston_ : Of course. I can’t say I’ll welcome him with open arms, but if he ever arrives, I can promise some courtesy.

 

 _Tracer_ : i guess same for me! i’ll take cues from you on this one luv <3

 

 _Mercy_ : As your primary physician and friend, I’m… unsure about how I would react. I can promise I’ll try.

 

 _Pharah_ : Me as well.

 

 _Lúcio_ : hey i dont know this guy but it sounds like you’ve all got some history and im not gonna try to act like i know jack or shit about it

 

 _Lúcio_ : he’s ur bro then thats good enough of a leg to start on!

 

 _Reinhardt_ : You honour yourself by showing such compassion and understanding, my friend! I stand with you!

 

 _Genji_ : thank you everyone

 

 _Genji_ : sorry to dominate the chat like that, i just didn’t want it to be a surprise

 

 _Mercy_ : Jesse will want to know.

 

 _Genji_ : i’ll tell him later dw

 

 _Tracer_ : sooooo lets talk about something light then!

 

 _Tracer_ : i’m hopping round the globe picking up some of our more far flung recruits and let me tell you these time zones have got me more loopy than my own time travel problems

 

 _Lúcio_ : yeah i bet

 

 _Lúcio_ : thanks for pickin me up btw!

 

Tracer: aw no thanks necessary I’m glad to do it! i’m excited to see the watchpoint bustling again

 

 _Winston_ : Hopefully, our international agents will have wrapped up their business in their respective countries/stations and will be able to stay at the Watchpoint officially, but unofficially. Considering we’re still violating the Petras Act.

 

 _Winston_ : But I agree; the silence has been a little deafening. I’ll be happy to see some life breathed into this place as well.

 

 _Genji_ : i’m eagerly anticipating my master’s arrival! i am glad he’s been able to commit himself to our cause

 

 _Tracer_ : i cant believe i get to meet an actual shambali monk, how bonkers is that??? im too thrilled

 

 _Mercy_ : Just don’t crash the plane and I’m sure you’ll leave a wonderful first impression.

 

 _Tracer_ : god could you imagine

 

 _Lúcio_ : lmaooooo lets not jinx it

 

 _Lúcio_ : who else are you picking up? or wait is that like confidential @ _Winston_

 

 _Winston_ : It should be fine. Most of us circle in the public eye.

 

 _Lúcio_ : *looks at self*

 

 _Lúcio_ : *looks at hana*

 

 _Tracer_ : lol wow yeah im just realising

 

 _Tracer_ : but after genji’s mentor, i’m picking up zarya and mei up from the RDF station in russia

 

 _Tracer_ : then ummmm, i think im swinging back around to grab torb and brigitte

 

 _Tracer_ : OH and also satya vaswani. but she’s still using her vishkar handle i think?

 

 _Mercy_ : Oh, it’ll be so good to see Mei again.

 

 _Pharah_ : I’m just impressed Torbjorn managed to roast Jesse from several countries away.

 

 _Tracer_ : as before: absolute unit

 

 _Lúcio_ : i guess everyone else must just be too busy to hop in the chat?

 

 _Winston_ : Aside from Miss Ling-Zhou, our current international agents have not yet been registered as Overwatch agents on-site at the Watchpoint. I’ve refrained from giving them communications access prior to actually being physically here.

 

 _Winston_ : The last thing we need is a communicator getting lost in the mail.

 

 _Genji_ : who would win

 

 _Genji_ : a high tech communications device or a lazy mailboi

 

 _Reinhardt_ : MORE MEMES! I GROW POWERFUL!

 

 _Genji_ : www i did think you’d enjoy that

 

 _Tracer_ : please stop memeing for grandpa he’s too strong

 

 _Reinhardt_ : >:PPPPPPPP

 

 _Lúcio_ : sounds like you’re just on a whirlwind globe trot girl!

 

 _Lúcio_ : not super stoked about this vishkar lady i wont lie tho

 

 _Winston_ : From all indicators, she seems to be genuine, but I can understand your position.

 

 _Lúcio_ : hey if it somethin goes down i got experience dealing with them

 

 _Lúcio_ : a little soundblast a little sharp skatin and i’ll be runnin rings around her

 

 _Pharah_ : Though I do hope it doesn’t come to that.

 

 _Lúcio_ : mmm no comment

 

 _Mercy_ : :-/

 

 _Genji_ : oh god a nose smiley

 

 _Genji_ : i forget that westerners use inferior emoticons

 

 _Genji_ : ༼ つ ▀̿_▀̿ ༽つ

 

 _Tracer_ : awww thats so cool! no fair you get cool letters and stuff

 

Genji: cool emoticons for a cool ninja

 

 _Genji_ : B)

 

 _Lúcio_ : could you get ur faceplate visor thingy to do that

 

 _Genji_ : i’ve tried

 

 _Genji_ : it’s too thin :/

 

 _Lúcio_ : wow rip

 

 _Tracer_ : rip

 

 _Reinhardt_ : Press f.

 

 _Lucio_ : ?

 

 _Genji_ : GOD

 

 _Lúcio_ : you are just a meme machine aren’t you big guy

 

 _Reinhardt_ : I was alive for what one might call the true uprising of internet meme culture! It’s embedded in my very soul!

 

 _Mercy_ : You should get that looked at.

 

 _Pharah_ : HA

 

 _Tracer_ : FKSDKSKDJF

 

 _Lucio_ : LMFAOOOOO

 

 _Genji_ : i was so hoping someone had the perfect response

 

 _Genji_ : and i was not let down

 

 _Mercy_ : B)

 

 _Mercy_ : All jokes aside, I do need to get some more things set up in the infirmary and my lab. We only have three biobeds in there right now, can you believe it?

 

 _Tracer_ : uhhh no? is that the right answer

 

 _Lúcio_ : it’s actually pretty wild how stripped the place is

 

 _Lúcio_ : i’m gonna stop layin around and go help with that so i’ll talk to y’all later!

 

 _Tracer_ : byee!!!

 

**[ Lúcio has become inactive. ]**

 

 _Mercy_ : I’ll see you all at dinner, I’m sure!

 

**[ Mercy has become inactive. ]**

 

 _Tracer_ : bye x2 combo!!!

 

 _Reinhardt_ : Which also reminds me, I need to start cooking!

 

 _Tracer_ : good lord its like the king of egypt in here

 

 _Reinhardt_ : Now That’s What I Call a Reference,

 

 _Tracer_ : ah get outta here with your memes!

 

 _Reinhardt_ : So long, friends!

 

**[ Reinhardt has become inactive. ]**

 

 _Tracer_ : guess i’ll make sure the orca doesn’t fly us into a mountain or something

 

 _Pharah_ : I assume you were just cruising and that’s why you were chatting.

 

 _Tracer_ : i knew you’d know miss jetbird

 

 _Tracer_ : plus athena’s onboard controls are tops! it basically flies itself

 

 _Tracer_ : but put me in a jet again and there’s not an ai in the world that can do what i can!

 

 _Tracer_ : oh i’m actually due for my first pick-up in the next hour or so i should…. clean….. i kinda left the hold a mess

 

 _Tracer_ : ta fareeha! sorry to dash

 

 _Pharah_ : I’ll see you when you get back! Safe flights.

 

**[ Tracer has become inactive. ]**

**[Pharah has become inactive.]**

 

 _Winston_ : Wow.

 

 _Winston_ : That was so much more civil than I was expecting.

 

 _Genji_ : give it time, winston

 

 _Genji_ : give it time

 

**[ Genji has become inactive.]**

**[Winston has become inactive.]**

 

**[ D.Va has become active. ]**

 

 _D.Va_ : u utter fools

 

 _D.Va_ : mods are asleep

 

 _D.Va_ : welcome to the fuckhouse

 

 **[ D.Va changed the chat name to “** **_Young Dumb and Full of… You Know”_ ** **]**

 

**[ D.Va has become inactive. ]**


	2. bbq sauce

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> some more people start talkin

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> im just tryna keep the ball rollin
> 
> people dunk on mccree more but its all in good fun
> 
> the bold sections refuse to center??????? so im leaving them until i figure it out sorry for formatting discrepancy

**[ Aleksandra Zaryanova has been added to _Young Dumb and Full of…. You Know_. ]**

**[ Tekhartha Zenyatta has been added to _Young Dumb and Full of…. You Know_. ]**

**[ Brigitte Lindholm has been added to _Young Dumb and Full of…. You Know_ ]**

**[ SST Laboratories Siege Automaton E54 has been added to _Young Dumb and Full of…. You Know._ ]**

**[ Satya Vaswani has been added to _Young Dumb and Full of…. You Know_ . ]**

 

**[Tracer has become active]**

 

 _Tracer_ : it’s official now luvs!

 

 _Tracer_ : it ain’t real ‘til it’s real casual!

 

 _Tracer_ : thats a thing right @McCree

 

**[ McCree has become active. ]**

 

 _McCree_ : sounds good enough for me. might even borrow it

 

 _Tracer_ : :P new phrase!!!!

 

 _McCree_ : oh good lord in heaven

 

 _Tracer_ : ?

 

 _McCree_ : @everyone now who in green hell is responsible for this absolutely wretched chat name

 

 _Tracer_ : OMFG!!!!!

 

 _Tracer_ : you guys thats a bad first impression :((((

 

 _Tracer_ : we should save those kind of jokes for way later!

 

**[ Genji has become active. ]**

 

 _Genji_ : guess you could say we

 

 _Genji_ : blew our load

 

 _Genji_ : B)

 

 _McCree_ : oh sweet shittin christ

 

 _Genji_ : i dont need to hear about your kinks jesse

 

 _Tracer_ : UM NO THANKS

 

 _McCree_ : im gonna throw you off the roof one a these days

 

**[ Lucio has become active. ]**

**[ D.Va has become active. ]**

 

 _D.Va_ : hm wow wish i couldn’t read

 

 _Lúcio_ : yeah same actually

 

 _D.Va_ : and wouldn’t he just do like cool ninja flips? and land perfectly?

 

 _Genji_ : i absolutely would and it would be the coolest thing you’d ever seen. i would charge you for the honour

 

 _McCree_ : imma laugh if it happens and you slip and bust ur ass

 

 _Tracer_ : lolol gotta happen sometime!

 

 _Genji_ : not where any of YOU are gonna see

 

 _D.Va_ : that was phrased so ominously

 

 _D.Va:_ im scared

 

 _Lúcio_ : holds you

 

 _D.Va_ : is held

 

 _Lúcio_ : but actually i got to see mr mccree in the range yesterday! y’all seen that shit in person? his aim’s unreal

 

 _Lúcio_ : at LEAST as cool as ninja flips

 

 _McCree_ : well now thank ya kindly

 

 _Lúcio_ : np man! thanks for lettin me play audience

 

 _D.Va_ : hmmmm

 

 _D.Va_ : 1v1 me old man i gotta see this for myself

 

 _McCree_ : anytime lil lady, anytime

 

 _Genji_ : not that this bonding between old agents and new isn’t great

 

 _Genji_ : because it is, it’s very heartwarming

 

 _Genji_ : but we should probably change this chat name before my master sees

 

**[ Mercy has become active. ]**

**[ Pharah has become active. ]**

**[ Winston has become active. ]**

 

 _Winston_ : Ah, there it is.

 

 _Tracer_ : ?

 

 _Lúcio_ : ?

 

 _Mercy_ : I assume he means the disappointment and chagrin.

 

 _Pharah_ : This is rather tame, I think.

 

 _Tracer_ : idk there’s something about the implication

 

 _Mercy_ : Oh, god.

 

 _Tracer_ : like is it what i think it is? is it something else? is it like bbq sauce or something

 

 _Pharah_ : Now _that_ you should get checked out.

 

 _Mercy_ : Not by me, you won’t. You can go to a clinic.

 

 _Tracer_ : aw angela but they’d ask Questions

 

 _Mercy_ : Commit to your shame.

 

 _McCree_ : so im sittin there

 

**[ Reinhardt has become active. ]**

 

 _Reinhardt_ : BARBEQUE SAUCE ON YOUR TITTIES?!?!

 

 _McCree_ : barbeque sauce on my titties goddammit rein

 

 _Reinhardt_ : Ha HA!!!

 

 _D.Va_ : wow, meme sniped by someone who wasn’t even active

 

 _D.Va_ : potg

 

 _Pharah_ : I don’t need to hear about Jesse’s sauce-slathered breasts on this day.

 

 _Mercy_ : My god, Fareeha, please.

 

 _Tracer_ : AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

 

 _D.Va_ : WOW NOW I REALLY WISH I COULDN’T READ!!!!!

 

 _Tracer_ : hold on im trying to break my accelerator to go back in time to before i visualised that

 

 _Winston_ : Take me with you.

 

**[ Tekhartha Zenyatta has become active. ]**

**[ Aleksandra Zaryanova has become active. ]**

**[ Satya Vaswani has become active. ]**

 

 _McCree_ : I’ll have you all know i have a GREAT rack

 

**[ Aleksandra Zaryanova has become inactive. ]**

**[ Satya Vaswani has become inactive. ]**

 

 _McCree_ : aaaaaaahhh shit

 

 _Genji_ : good job jesse

 

 _Tracer_ : DJLBVLKJSFNDLNJKNDVLKD M8 PLS

 

 _Tracer_ : too perfect

 

 _Lúcio_ : y’all are really on it with this timing!

 

 _D.Va_ : nevermind im glad i can read again im screenshotting this

 

 _D.Va_ : Meowdy y’all welcome to the shit show

 

 **[ D.Va has changed chat name to “** **_Jesse’s Breasty’s._ ** **” ]**

 

 _McCree_ : okay actually i can get behind this name

 

 _Tekhartha Zenyatta_ : Well, this has certainly been an interesting introduction.

 

 _McCree_ : then again

 

 _D.Va_ : i refuse to take responsibility for this

 

 _Genji_ : master! i apologise for the crude behaviour

 

 _McCree_ : me too mr. zenyatta sir. mr. tekhartha?

 

 _Tekhartha Zenyatta_ : Please, do not trouble yourselves. Seeing such easy camaraderie is warming. I feel privileged to be a part of it.

 

 _Tekhartha Zenyatta_ : And just Zenyatta is perfectly fine. In fact-

 

**[ Tekhartha Zenyatta has become Zenyatta ]**

 

 _Zenyatta_ : There. I am honoured to walk among you. May the peace we share together flow through the world.

 

 _Tracer_ : !!!! absolutely!!!!! we’re thrilled to have you here

 

 _Lúcio_ : im definitely feeling that peace vibe zenyatta!!! glad to have you with us

 

 _Genji_ : i’m sorry i wasn’t able to escort you to your rooms master. perhaps we may meet to meditate?

 

 _Zenyatta_ : Of course, Genji. I shall await you outside my door. Unless you would prefer later.

 

 _Genji_ : no, right now is great timing!

 

 _Genji_ : alright talk to everyone later

 

 _Zenyatta_ : I look forward to walking this path with you all. Until we next speak.

 

**[ Genji has become inactive. ]**

**[ Zenyatta has become inactive. ]**

 

 _D.Va_ : that was so incredibly mellow

 

 _D.Va_ : i feel weirdly… lighter???

 

 _Lúcio_ : yeah same? weird

 

 _Tracer_ : i would get that way listening to mondatta! the shambali are amazing like that

 

 _D.Va_ : o worm

 

 _D.Va_ : thats cool tho

 

 _McCree_ : yeah i think we owe zenyatta a lot for helping genji

 

 _Tracer_ : for sure

 

 _Lucio_ : ?

 

 _D.Va_ : ?

 

 _Reinhardt_ : I believe that is a story that is Genji’s to tell.

 

 _McCree_ : yep sorry you two

 

 _McCree_ : not trying to cut you out but you know how it is

 

**[ Mei Ling-Zhou has become active. ]**

 

 _D.Va_ : well you’ll pay

 

 _D.Va_ : aaaaanyways anyone seen the other n00bs on this rock? i caught a peek of aleksandra zaryanova she’s like

 

 _D.Va_ : the coolest person i’ve ever seen

 

 _Mei Ling-Zhou_ : Hello, everyone!

 

 _Mei Ling-Zhou_ : And yes, Zarya is the coolest! And I should know!

 

 _Mercy_ : Hello, Mei!

 

 _Tracer_ : hey mei luv!

 

 _McCree_ : good to hear from you miss mei

 

 _Lúcio_ : hello!

 

 _D.Va_ : sup

 

 _Mei Ling-Zhou_ : Hello, everyone! It’s so nice to be back. Though Gibraltar is a lot warmer than I’m used to, haha!

 

**[ Mei Ling-Zhou changed to Mei. ]**

 

 _Mei_ : I’m just helping Zarya get settled in. Though, Jesse, your, um, chest? Kind of threw her, so that’s why she didn’t say anything.

 

 _Mei_ : She’s not upset or anything, though! She’ll probably pop up to talk later.

 

 _D.Va_ : lololololollll

 

 _Lúcio_ : i wanna feel bad but im not sure who for

 

 _McCree_ : i still stand by my statement

 

 _Pharah_ : Yes, those 32-AA’s are truly blessings from the gods.

 

 _McCree_ : damn straight!

 

 _Lúcio_ : idk i feel like they might b b’s? he’s pretty beefy

 

 _D.Va_ : well im not breaking out the measuring tape

 

 _Mercy_ : I’ll make sure to mark down his BWH measurements at his next physical. He used to be so thin, did you know? There’s an American saying about it.

 

 _Mei_ : I think we only met once or twice back then, but I remember too!

 

 _McCree_ : ah jeez ange cmon have some mercy

 

 _D.Va_ : low hanging fruit, no points

 

 _Lúcio_ : lolololol

 

 _Mercy_ : Skinny as a rail! That’s what it was.

 

 _McCree_ : well bein a teen outlaw didnt allow for a lot of good eatin

 

 _Pharah_ : Understandable, but I still beat you in an arm-wrestling contest when I was twelve.

 

 _McCree_ : fight me reeha i let you win

 

 _Reinhardt_ : Debatable!

 

 _Tracer_ : i’ll be honest i have trouble keeping yesterday separate from tomorrow so i’m trusting fareeha on this one!

 

 _D.Va_ : sounds legit

 

 _Lúcio_ : yeah sorry mr mccree gotta go with the flow on this one

 

 _Mei_ : I was on another continent!

 

 _McCree_ : y’all cant see me throwin my hands up but im throwin my hands up

 

 _Tracer_ : you should definitely get THAT looked at

 

 _D.Va_ : aaaaaaaand we’re back to me not wishing i could read again

 

 _Winston_ : I feel ill.

 

 _Mei_ : Me too. :(

 

 _Tracer_ : you’re all putting awful images into my head

 

 _Winston_ : Someone steer this insanity into calmer waters, please.

 

 _Mercy_ : Actually, Jesse, a physical for you needs happen soon. You skipped your vaccinations, so God only knows what you’ve brought through several countries, and I’m concerned for your lungs and liver.

 

 _McCree_ : aw ange cmon i had to sneak across like 900000000 international borders there weren’t no times or places to get em!!!!

 

 _McCree_ : and my lungs r fine thank you very much

 

 _Tracer_ : jesse sweetie you can’t run for love or money

 

 _McCree_ : excuse the fuck outta you!

 

 _Tracer_ : you run 100m in like 30 seconds and need 2 min to catch ur breath

 

 _McCree_ : listen

 

 _McCree_ : the only time runnin matters is when somethins comin and at that point u should be worryin about that rather than me

 

 _D.Va_ : who runs???

 

 _Tracer_ : i do!!

 

 _Lucio_ : does skating count

 

 _D.Va_ : mmmm sure Why Not

 

 _Reinhardt_ : Ah, Hilary Duff! A classic tune.

 

 _Lúcio_ : ?????

 

 _Lúcio_ : i love you big guy but sometimes you just be sayin shit

 

 _Reinhardt_ : I’ll play you some records sometime! Do you like Hasselhoff?

 

 _Lúcio_ : hassel-who now?????

 

 _McCree_ : POINT BEIN i dont need to run good! and my liver’s fine

 

 _Pharah_ : I’m willing to bet you’re holding alcohol right now at this moment.

 

 _Mei_ : Jesse! It’s not even noon!

 

 _Mei_ : :(

 

 _Pharah_ : See? You’ve made Mei sad.

 

 _Tracer_ : :(((( me too i wanna day drink too

 

 _Reinhardt_ : A hardy stout with lunch would be nice, actually!!!

 

 _D.Va_ : where’s the soju on this rock i wanna lose my mind

 

 _McCree_ : i didn’t even say i was holding any!!!

 

 _Pharah_ : You didn’t need to.

 

 _McCree_ : also miss song ur 19

 

 _D.Va_ : the sun came up today

 

 _McCree_ : what???

 

 _D.Va_ : oh sorry i thought we were playing a really boring game of State Obvious Facts

 

 _McCree_ : =|>:/

 

 _D.Va_ : oh…. my god

 

 _D.Va_ : im gonna say we ignore that and move on

 

 _Tracer_ : agreed

 

 _Pharah_ : Hard yes.

 

 _D.Va_ : cool motion passed so drinks?

 

 _Lúcio_ : idk i feel like we’re supposed to be responsible? right?

 

 _D.Va_ : drink w me then idc

 

 _Lúcio_ : okay we’re cool

 

 _Winston_ : How does that suddenly become being responsible.

 

 _Tracer_ : if we do it together its like checks and balances!!!

 

 _Pharah_ : I’d be more willing to bet it’d be a vortex of enablement.

 

 _Tracer_ : it’s true but you shouldn’t say it

 

 _Mercy_ : Pardon the interjection, but: Jesse, I’ll expect you in my lab before dinner.

 

 _Mercy_ : Or else.

 

 _D.Va_ : yikes

 

 _Lúcio_ : double yikes

 

 _Tracer_ : triple yikes

 

 _McCree_ : help

 

 _D.Va_ : it’s a pass from me

 

 _Lúcio_ : as another medical professional you really should get that all figured out man

 

 _Lúcio_ : also miss ziegler gets kinda scary when u dont let her do her job

 

 _Tracer_ : yeah dont mess around with angela when it comes to health stuff she means serious business!

 

 _Lúcio_ : ay dont worry man i’ll be there too!

 

 _Lúcio_ : y’know like a witness!

 

 _D.Va_ : rip cowman

 

Reinhardt: Press F!

 

 _Tracer_ : f

 

 _Lúcio_ : f

 

 _Pharah_ : F

 

 _D.Va_ : f

 

 _Mei_ : F

 

 _Mercy_ : Or else, Jesse.

 

**[ Mercy has become inactive. ]**

 

 _D.Va_ : now THAT was ominous

 

 _D.Va_ : luc am i still being holded

 

 _Lúcio_ : i’ve been helding you this whole time dude

 

 _Lúcio_ : but i’ve got some stuff to set up and prep too so i’ll catch y’all at lunch. dont start them drinks w/o me!

 

 _D.Va_ : l8r sk8r

 

 _Lúcio_ : B} u kno it

 

**[ Lucio has become inactive. ]**

 

 _McCree_ : and so ends the life of the famous outlaw jesse j mccree

 

 _McCree_ : im gonna die a big brown hairy pincushion

 

 _D.Va_ : thats fuckign!!!

 

 _D.Va_ : enough outta you! with these visuals!!!!!

 

**[ Aleksandra Zaryanova has become active. ]**

 

 _Pharah_ : I really outdid myself with the breasts thing, though, I must admit.

 

 _Pharah_ : UH

 

 _Mei_ : Haha!

 

 _Tracer_ : HAHAHAHA

 

 _McCree_ : HA

 

 _McCree_ : SURE IS NICE WHEN IT AIN’T ME

 

 _D.Va_ : and a titan falls

 

 _Pharah_ : Miss Zaryanova, I can promise we don’t talk about this fool’s breasts constantly.

 

**[ Aleksandra Zaryanova has changed to Zarya. ]**

 

 _Zarya_ : Just Zarya, please. And it is no problem.

 

 _Zarya_ : Though it is second time today I am hearing about this person’s breasts.

 

 _Zarya_ : It is also channel name.

 

 _Zarya_ : Which one of you is Jesse?

 

 _McCree_ : me, ma’am, i was there when u were getting registered

 

 _McCree_ : uh the guy in the hat and the plaid

 

 _Zarya_ : You?

 

 _Zarya_ : Hm.

 

 _D.Va_ : i can feel it coming

 

 _Reinhardt_ : IT WILL BE MERCILESS.

 

 _Zarya_ : Your chest has volume but no definition. You will start lifting. We will fix this problem.

 

 _Zarya_ : We will turn them into breasts fitting of being title.

 

 _Mei_ : Zarya used to be an Olympic weightlifter, you know!

 

 _D.Va_ : LOLOLOLOL UR GONNA MCFUCKIN DIE

 

 _Tracer_ : jesse im gonna miss you so much after you get crushed :(((

 

 _Winston_ : Overwatch will remember your service, Agent McCree.

 

 _Pharah_ : Can I get your stuff when you die? Collector’s items sell well.

 

 _McCree_ : =|>://////

 

 _D.Va_ : again with this i’m out

 

 _D.Va_ : bc my meka’s actually arriving today and i need to be there for unloading

 

 _Winston_ : I’ll meet you at the landing pad, Miss Song.

 

 _D.Va_ : see ya there

 

 _D.Va_ : if i dont catch everyone at lunch i’ll see u l8rz

 

**[ Winston has become inactive. ]**

**[ D.va has become inactive. ]**

 

 _McCree_ : maybe now i can go 5 min without getting harassed

 

 _Reinhardt_ : Pick your head up, queen, your cowboy hat is slipping!

 

**[ Satya Vaswani has become active. ]**

 

 _McCree_ : not gonna get me this time

 

 _McCree_ : howdy there!

 

**[ Satya Vaswani has become inactive. ]**

 

 _Tracer_ : ARIBSLEHRKJHBSEJHFB

 

 _McCree_ : AW CMON NOW

 

 _Mei_ : Poor Jesse!

 

 _Pharah_ : She has good instincts, I’ll give her that.

 

 _McCree_ : im never being nice again

 

 _Pharah_ : World weeps at irrecoverable loss.

 

**[ Brigitte Lindholm has become active. ]**

 

 _McCree_ : world’s gonna weep when i kick ur ass up and down this wachpoint

 

 _McCree_ : C O M E  O N

 

 _Brigitte Lindholm_ : haha hi mr. mcree! dad gave me a heads up so don’t worry

 

 _McCree_ : well that’s good i guess

 

**[ Brigitte Lindholm has changed to Brigitte. ]**

 

 _Brigitte_ : oh mr. wilhem! dad wants you to come to the workshop he wants to discuss storage and upkeep for your suit!

 

 _Reinhardt_ : I’m on the way!!!

 

**[ Reinhardt has become inactive. ]**

 

 _Tracer_ : well i didn’t hear him crashing through any walls!

 

 _McCree_ : the bar's never been lower.

 

 _Brigitte_ : haha, he’s very excitable isn’t he? i hope i’m that spry when i’m older!

 

 _Brigitte_ : but i just wanted to pop in and say hi! dad and i are still getting things squared away in the workshop and we’ve got that consultation with mr. wilhelm

 

Brigitte: i’ll talk to everyone soon! have a good day!

 

 _Tracer_ : bye luv!

 

 _Mei_ : Goodbye!

 

 _Zarya_ : Farewell.

 

**[ Brigitte has become inactive. ]**

 

 _Zarya_ : I as well will finish unpacking.

 

 _Zarya_ : McCree. Tomorrow. 0700. Gym. You are late, you run laps.

 

**[ Zarya has become inactive. ]**

 

 _Mei_ : Don’t worry, Jesse! No one’s ever gotten permanently injured!

 

 _Pharah_ : On a scale of zero to comforting that’s a…?

 

 _Tracer_ : -2 imo

 

 _Mei_ : Haha, well it’ll certainly be interesting!

 

 _Mei_ : I’m gonna keep her company while she finishes up, so bye bye!

 

**[ Mei has become inactive. ]**

 

 _McCree_ : yeah so i gotta go make my peace with the lord or something i’ll see y’all when i get hungry

 

**[ McCree has become inactive. ]**

 

 _Tracer_ : hahaha aw

 

 _Pharah_ : He’ll be fine.

 

 _Pharah_ : But for the sake of comedy.

 

 **[Pharah has changed chat name to “** **_RIP Jesse’s Breasty’s_ ** **.”]**

 

 _Tracer_ : lolz love it

 

 _Tracer_ : see u for lunch??

 

 _Pharah_ : See you there.

 

 _Tracer_ : awesome ta then!

 

**[ Tracer has become inactive. ]**

**[ Pharah has become inactive. ]**


	3. Good Noodles in the Damn Kitchen

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I'M A GOOD NOODLE

[ **D.Va has become active.** ]

[ **Pharah has become active.** ]

[ **Lúcio** **has become active.** ]

[ **Genji has become active.** ]

[ **McCree has become active.** ]

_D.Va_ : I HUNGY

 

_D.Va_ : getting the meka all situated took f o r e v e r i s2g they made me sign 3 times as much paperwork as they did when i was trying to get it out of korea

 

_D.Va_ : so im hungry AND my hand hurts

 

_Pharah_ : It was the same with the Raptora suit; Helix did their very best to keep their claws in it to the last.

 

_Pharah_ : Technically, both it and me are, “on loan.”

 

_Lúcio_ : yeah i stole half of the stuff i have and made the rest so uhhhh

 

_Lúcio_ : unrelatable content

 

_Tracer_ : my tech literally cannot be removed from my body without ConsequencesTM so i get a free pass

 

_Genji_ : mood

 

_Genji_ : altho i suppose if someone REALLY wanted to they could just steal the inorganic parts

 

_Genji_ : but what are you gonna do with like a detached cyborg leg???

 

_D.Va_ : offer it to the machine god

 

_D.Va_ : also wb from medititillation

 

_Genji_ : ty

 

_Lúcio_ : extremely questionable sex toy

 

_Genji_ : nevermind i’m leaving again

 

_Tracer_ : how about no!

 

_Pharah_ : Cease,

 

_Tracer_ : also hana mei and miss vaswani made some great stuff for lunch but we ate it all

 

_D.Va_ : was i born only to suffer

 

_D.Va_ : i have snacks but i want real food

 

_D.Va_ : I WANT MEAT!!!

 

_McCree_ : phrasing

 

_D.Va_ : phrase these hands

 

_Lúcio_ : yo i’m ALL OVER this

 

_Lúcio_ : fuckin second lunch lets fuckin GOOOOOOOO what y’all in the mood for

 

_McCree_ : toe suckin

 

_Lúcio_ : excuse the fuck outta you

 

_McCree_ : i mean im not in the mood for that but as a thing u could do with a cyborg leg

 

_Pharah_ : Jesse, I can and will have you arrested for making me see that with my own eyeballs.

 

_D.Va_ : yeah u wanna die old man

 

_Genji_ : jesse i am horrified and disgusted by this suggestion

 

_McCree_ : listen u think there aren’t people out there collectin robo feet to crank it to?????

 

_Pharah_ : I would hope????

 

_McCree_ : think again

 

_Lúcio_ : do _you_ think? ever? before u speak???

 

_Pharah_ : ^^^

 

_Tracer_ : i realise more and more u were that weird lad in the back of the room

 

_Genji_ : can confirm because i was the unfortunate soul who was nearest him

 

_Tracer_ : awww weirdo buddies

 

_McCree_ : did u kno saliva is just filtered blood

 

_D.Va_ : u will now turn and face the wall quietly please

 

_D.Va_ : grown ups are talking

 

_McCree_ : =|:’(

 

_D.Va_ : a n y w a y s

 

_D.Va_ : food

 

[ **Brigitte has become active.** ]

[ **Reinhardt has become active.** ]

 

_Reinhardt_ : I could do with a meal as well! Something bready.

 

_Brigitte_ : haha he and dad got to drinking on empty stomachs

 

_Tracer_ : o worm

 

_McCree_ : well the ‘point’s still standing so

 

_McCree_ : not the worst outcome

 

[ **Winston has become active.** ]

 

_Winston_ : Such restraint. I’m truly impressed.

 

_D.Va_ : we try

 

_Winston_ : Hm.

 

_Genji_ : his disappointment

 

_Genji_ : its like a palpable force

 

_Tracer_ : its winstons other super power

 

[ **Mercy has become active.** ]

 

_Mercy_ : Mine as well.

 

_Mercy_ : Thank you for coming in for your physical, Jesse.

 

_Mercy_ : You were even marginally more mature about it this time.

 

_McCree_ : …. ur welcome

 

_Pharah_ : Haha

 

_McCree_ : i will strike you

 

_Pharah_ : Did you get a lollipop and a sparkle band-aid? Did you get a good noodle star?

 

_McCree_ : YOU WANNA GET STRIKED

 

_Pharah_ : WE’LL SEE WHO GETS STRICKEN

 

_D.Va_ : FIGHT FIGHT FIGHT

 

_Lúcio_ : WELCOME TO THUNDERDOOOOME

 

_Genji_ : im the ringcard girl

 

_Tracer_ : i wanna ring the bell

 

_Winston_ : I want to go back to the moon.

 

_Mercy_ : Good noodle stars…. 

 

_Mercy_ : Would that actually work, I wonder.

 

_D.Va_ : what like rewards points

 

_Tracer_ : depends on the rewards i would think

 

_Genji_ : 5 good noodle stars gets you freedom from nutritious eating lectures

 

_Mercy_ : Hey :(

 

_McCree_ : wait let him speak

 

_D.Va_ : what else could we get with them

 

_D.Va_ : could we get a pizza party

 

_Pharah_ : You know what you could get.

 

Pharah: You could get something… from Angela’s Secret Liquor Stash.

 

_Mercy_ : !!!

 

_McCree_ : WHAT

 

_Tracer_ : O WORM??????

 

_Reinhardt_ : I’m listening intently.

 

_D.Va_ : my head just spun 360 degrees 

 

_Mercy_ : WHY WOULD YOU

 

_McCree_ : LET HER SPEAK

 

_Pharah_ :  I’m sorry but also hear me out.

 

_Pharah_ : Okay, so idk about the rewards in between.

 

_Pharah_ : But you get, say, 100 good noodle stars. 

 

_Pharah_ : And you get a handle of this very same liquor of undetermined origin and content.

 

_Pharah_ : Because let me tell you I had one (1) shot and i spent the next twenty minutes looking for my hands.

 

_Brigitte_ : oh wow

 

_Lúcio_ : EYEZOOMS

 

_D.Va_ : HOW DO WE GET GOOD NOODLE STARS ASKING FOR A FRIEND

 

_Mercy_ : Look what you’ve done.

 

_Winston_ : I’m sorry, are you suggesting we reward good behaviour with a substance that not only enables but encourages exponentially worse behaviour.

 

_Genji_ : this isn’t logic time

 

_Winston_ : Genji, you can’t even drink.

 

_Genji_ : no, but i have built in video recording abilities and you can be Quite Sure I will be exercising them to their fullest

 

_Winston_ : …. Interesting.

 

_McCree_ : okay so for real how do we get good noodle stars i need to taste this

 

_Mercy_ : Jesse can you even taste the difference with what you drink regularly.

 

_McCree_ : does it matter

 

_Tracer_ : what a depressing response to that question

 

_Mercy_ : God. Fine. 

 

_Mercy_ : Listening to me when I tell you not to do stupid things that can result in injury. Eating regular meals with proportional nutritional value. Monitoring alcohol intake and not drinking to excess.

 

_Mercy_ : AND ABOVE ALL.

 

_Mercy_ : NOT GIVING ME FUCKING GRIEF ABOUT MEDICAL PROCEDURES.

 

_Reinhardt_ : Sounds fair enough!

 

_D.Va_ : idk causing fuckin trouble is half of what we do….

 

_Lúcio_ : im willing to make this sacrifice

 

_McCree_ : i swear on my hat i will get those good noodle stars or die trying

 

_Pharah_ : One of those two things will definitely happen.

 

_Mercy_ : 100 good noodle stars. No compromises. You spend on lesser rewards then you start over from zero.

 

_Mercy_ : Stars docked for misbehaviour.

 

_Winston_ : Are we actually doing this. Is this actually happening.

 

_Brigitte_ : haha well maybe it’ll help keep some order?

 

[ **Torbjorn has become active.** ]

 

_Torbjorn_ : someone will die

 

[ **Torbjorn has become inactive.** ]

 

_Reinhardt_ : Of fun!

 

_D.Va_ : uh

 

_Brigitte_ : thats just dad. good luck everyone! i’ve got to get back to work

 

_Tracer_ : byeeee

 

[ **Brigitte has become inactive.** ]

 

_D.Va_ : and to bring this convo full circle

 

_Lúcio_ : second lunch?

 

_Reinhardt_ : SECOND LUNCH

 

_McCree_ : what’re we having

 

_Lúcio_ : idk what do we have to make

 

_Tracer_ : im in the kitchen rn, mei and ms vaswani still have some leftovers we can use!

 

_Lúcio_ : lets see whats cookin

 

_McCree_ : i got some chicken we can fry

 

_Pharah_ : McChicken

 

[ **McCree has become inactive.** ]

 

_Genji_ : HA

 

_Pharah_ : Oh shit.

 

[ **Pharah has become inactive.** ]

 

_D.Va_ : i hear spurs

 

_D.Va_ : moving like REALLY fast

 

_Lúcio_ : terrifying

 

_Genji_ : and also not my problem

 

_Tracer_ : he’ll be out of breath by the time he finds her anyways

 

[ **Mei has become active.** ]

[ **Satya Vaswani has become active** .]

 

_Mei_ : hey!! lena may have told you, but there’s still food if people are cooking!

 

_Satya Vaswani_ : We’ve preserved it all in tupperware for later use. If you wouldn’t mind washing and drying the containers afterwards, it would be appreciated.

 

_D.Va_ : sure thing ms vaswani

 

_Lúcio_ : 

 

_Satya Vaswani_ : 

 

_Lúcio_ : 

 

_Satya Vaswani_ : 

 

_D.Va_ : how are you two doing this

 

_Lúcio_ : thanks

 

_Satya Vaswani_ : You are welcome.

 

_Lúcio_ : ur light stuffs cool

 

_Satya Vaswani_ : I am likewise impressed with your work at re-tooling Vishkar technologies.

 

_Satya Vaswani_ : I am going to go now. You may contact me if you wish to talk further.

 

_Lúcio_ : ...sure

 

[ **Satya Vaswani has become inactive.** ]

 

_Tracer_ : wow

 

_Reinhardt_ : Am I allowed to breathe now.

 

_D.Va_ : that made me actually physically tense

 

_Lúcio_ : haha sorry for the downer moment

 

_Lúcio_ : it’s just difficult

 

_Lúcio_ : probably for her too so im not gonna bust chops over it yanno

 

_Mei_ : Right! Second chances!

 

_Mercy_ : Speaking of… Genji.

 

_Genji_ : yeah right

 

_Genji_ : soooo

 

_Genji_ : my brother should be here in maybe two days

 

_Genji_ : as an update to that situation

[ **McCree has become active.** ]

 

_McCree_ : pump the brakes

 

_McCree_ : did you say shimada brother the senior is gonna be on this here watchpoint in approximately 48 hours

 

_Genji_ : yes

 

_D.Va_ : oh fun more tension

 

_Mei_ : Will you be okay, Genji?

 

_Genji_ : mmm… yes and no

 

_Genji_ : i dont know if its the “right” thing to do, asking him to come here

 

_Genji_ : but its what im choosing to do

 

_Genji_ : and what happens afterwards, depends on him

 

_Genji_ : and also to some extent everyone else so i would appreciate not immediately dropkicking him into the ocean

 

_Genji_ : jesse i am looking directly at you

 

_Genji_ : literally i am looking directly at you through the walls to where fareeha is sitting on you

 

_Reinhardt_ : That isn’t very good noodle of you, dear.

 

[ **Pharah has become active.** ]

 

_Pharah_ : Fuck a good noodle, he tried it.

 

_Pharah_ : But yeah I’ll keep it professional.

 

_Pharah_ : I’ll keep this jackass professional, too.

 

_McCree_ : my head is raw from the noogies

 

_Reinhardt_ : Snatched bald.

 

_Tracer_ : not to interrupt this festive pall

 

_McCree_ : please interrupt my head hurts

 

_Tracer_ : unfortunate

 

_Tracer_ : but are we gettin this food on or WHAT

 

_D.Va_ : god we keep getting distracted with personal issues

 

_D.Va_ : EVERYONE IN THE DAMN KITCHEN

 

_Lúcio_ : the kitchen or the DAMN kitchen

 

_Reinhardt_ : THE DAMN KITCHEN!

 

_Mercy_ : Please try to make something with vegetables in the damn kitchen.

 

_Mei_ : We can try our best! In the damn kitchen!

 

_Winston_ : Can we stop calling it the damn kitchen.

 

_Pharah_ : See y’all in the kitchen of the damned, then.

 

[ **D.Va has become inactive.** ]

[ **Pharah has become inactive.** ]

[ _ **Lúcio**  _ **has become inactive.** ]

[ **Genji has become inactive.** ]

[ **McCree has become inactive.** ]

[ **Winston has become inactive.** ]

[ **Mercy has become inactive.** ]

[ **Mei has become inactive.** ]

[ **Reinhardt has become inactive.** ]

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry for that looooong break
> 
> how many letterkenney lines can i work into this


End file.
